7.26.2004

 

[eulogy]

i've been away for a little over a week, and so much has changed. the first weekend i was gone, one of the researchers at the institute im working in now passed on. what made it worse was that i knew him - not *very* well, to be honest, but he was on the same floor, same office, same lab. always smiling, a big joker, kind, and warm-hearted. it was a freak accident while on a trip to malaysia with colleagues - people i know too - in a part of malaysia i practically grew up in/with - i don't know if it was in the papers while i was gone; haven't read them, and probably won't have time to anyway. i learnt about it the most sterile way possible - inferred from mails on my work account. the inevitable collection for the bereaved family, scheduled visits by the counsellors.

i didn't even get to say goodbye.

when i got back to work today, the little label-printed nametag on his pigeonhole had been removed. just one gaping hole in the apartment-block-like mess of letters, flyers, papers and advertisements from lab supply companies. his cubicle, in stark, nay, poignant, contrast, was exactly the way it had been when i left before my vacation, the only difference being a bunch of fresh flowers placed gingerly in front of his workstation.

nobody talks about it; it's been over a week since the unfortunate incident, and life must move on. but it's a rude shock for me. i've lived a blessed life, because i've never seen anybody close to me pass on (*touch wood, with all my heart*) .. this is about the closest i've come to dealing with death.

im still much too sentimental for my own good, and i need to get a grip on myself soon. i can't imagine how i'll be like when my first patient dies on me (*again, touch wood, with all my heart*). time to start reading On Death and Dying.. (it's a book for those in the medical profession to learn how to cope with [professional] death.. not some funny self-help book!)

you know how it is - how the message behind some 'common-sensical' stuff never really hits home until you really experience it firsthand - it's the same thing here. i've never really known how precious life is/was, how you can suddenly *go* without warning. i'd have taken it a bit better if it was a road accident or something in singapore - who would have thought the trip with which they undertook with such great enthusiasm and fanfare? it's the unexpected, unpredictable, perhaps even unimaginable passing-ons that shock the most. if this sounds really haphazard and disorganised, well, i don't really have any solid lessons to draw from this, just a deep blue period of mulling over things in general.

the more i think about it, the more fated it seems - how some things are eventually inescapable. or, as i've seen in a quote from [here, badly misquoted] Terry Prachett, how everybody you meet is going to die anyway. and there's just so much more i want to do, have to do, yet to do.. it's some sort of morbidly depressing impetus to act - sooner rather than later.

im sure you've gone through some painful losses too. if you're comfortable sharing them with me, then pls let me know. im still trying to find meaning in this whole turn of events.

---

Katie Melua - Crawling Up A Hill

---

Every morning (a)bout half past eight,
My Mummer wakes me says,
"Don't be late",
Get to the office, tryin' to concentrate,
My life is just a slow train crawling up a hill.

So I stop one day to figure it out,
I'll quit my job without a shadow of a doubt,
To sing the blues that I know about,
My life is just a slow train crawling up a hill.

Minute after minute,
Second after second,
Hour after hour goes by,
Working for a rich girl,
Staying just a poor girl,
Never stop to wonder why.

So here I am in London town,
A better scene Iüm gonna be around,
The kind of music that won't bring me down,
My life is just a slow train crawling up a hill.

Every morning (a)bout half past eight,
My Mummer wakes me says,
"Don't be late",
I get to the office, tryin' to concentrate,
My life is like a slow train crawling up a hill.

So I stop one day to figure it out,
I'll quit my job without a shadow of a doubt,
To sing the blues that I know about,
My life is just a slow train crawling up a hill.

Minute after minute,
Second after second,
Hour after hour goes by,
Working for a rich girl,
Staying just a poor girl,
Never stop to wonder why.

So here I am in London town,
A better scene I'm gonna be around,
The kind of music that won't bring me down,
Life is just a slow train.

So here I am in London town,
A better scene I'm gonna be around,
The kind of music that won't bring me down,
My life is just a slow train crawling up a hill

---

if the font comes out looking weird - new WYSIWYG blogger interface. excuse the font, ill figure out some way to fix it (if it is indeed broken).

katie melua's debut (i think) album - Call Off the Search. wonderfully atmospheric jazz-type vocals. endlessly adaptable.. respect.

timestamp: anonymous 18:24 0 comments

7.15.2004

 

[bunny hop]

found myself in Singapore Poly's clean room (incidentally, in the same building where i took the Communications System Engineering course in my cadet days.. yes, *that* building, teck & PP! apparently its the sch of engineering building or something) earlier this week, and the sight of all the bunny suits (not to mention the act of wearing them) left me trying very hard to stifle my laughter. it's just... weird. to put things in perspective, the moment you enter the room, you hit an office, and you must change your shoes to 'lab slippers'. then you go through two sets of sticky anti-dust mats, the kind that your 'lab slippers' stick to like there's no tomorrow, before entering the changing room. there you need to put on a jumpsuit (white for the poly students, blue for staff/faculty, green for other 'registered' users, hence i found myself wearing green) before swapping your slippers for jumpsuit-matching plastic pieces that go over your bare feet/socks. then gloves, a face mask, a hair mask, before you roll the hood of the jumpsuit over. after that, a quick blast of air through a set of double doors before you enter the actual clean room.

inside the clean room are all sorts of machines and things they use to fabricate chips and stuff. each piece of equipment looks like it cost a million.. and it's about as hard to use as it is expensive.

what really struck me was the difference in viewpoint between engineers and biologists: to engineers / microchip manufacturers, humans are contaminants that the clean microchips have to be protected from, hence the bunny suits; to biologists / virologists, viruses are contaminants that the clean humans have to be protected from, hence the bunny suits. on one hand people are 'dirty', whereas on the other, people are 'clean'.. it's all mind-boggling. to me, at least.

timestamp: anonymous 13:39 0 comments

7.10.2004

 

[hanging up all my hang ups]

if there's one thing i've learnt this week, it's how much i've changed.. and how much more there is to go. (technically that's actually two things, but they're flip sides of the same point, so it still counts) regardless of how i carry myself, i just can't get rid of all my hang-ups, most of which are either downright childish or have no firm basis for existing. (i'm not going to elaborate!)

but i have found that music is therapeutic, and live music, even more so - had a great night out yest covering enough musical styles to cover half of HMV, and then some - and i've more or less thrown all the emotional baggage i've been lugging around this past week away.

the observatory gig was a bit of a letdown - although the sound was very polished and studio-quality (thanks to the mixers and powerbooks they were equipped with), everything wound up sounding rather similar after a while. and it WAS very ironic that after a drawn-out discussion during dinner about the punctuality campaign and how concerts NEVER start on time, we arrived half an hour late, only to find the gig in full swing (if you can imagine a chill-out-rock type gig in full swing). the venue was far smaller than the ZGPS one, maybe the management learnt their lesson not to utilise too big a space, but i was rather perturbed by the legions of fans quietly sitting down in an orderly fashion. *suspends disbelief* this IS singapore, after all. it even prompted the band to remark that "this is the quietest audience we've ever had!" *sigh* to be fair, though, it IS a little hard to gyrate to the observatory, and i'm not going to embarrass myself further by attempting to categorize their style of music. it was technically competent, but a little lacking - i certainly didn't walk out of the venue with the same satisfaction i did after ZGPS - though it's hard to say whether it was more the audience's fault or the band's. sad.

spilled out of the theatre studio on the top floor to catch ublues from the comfort of the roof terrace - now that was cool. the view from the roof terrace is nothing like that along the riverside, i can't quite put my finger on it, but there's a big difference in both atmosphere and view. it didn't last long, though, and security soon ushered us out of the roof terrace. what a shame!

ublues was fantastic. there's really no doubt as to why they've gone on to international festivals and stuff, the energy and sheer enthusiasm of the band is palpable! listening to them from the roof terrace didn't really do them justice, although the ground-level concert pit was jam-packed with people, simply because they had *presence*. they weren't into the whole visual-rock business, but it was a joy to catch them performing live. (fast running out of descriptive words)

and area 320... well we went early (2300+) and took quite a while to find the venue. the main problem with arriving early is that there are just too few people and absolutely NO energy at all. not that crowds are good, mind, the smoke is downright irritating - i can't understand how people manage to smoke and dance. they probably could run a marathon and still be puffing away, pun unintended - and it's difficult to move around from point A to point B. if i had doubts about whether my $28 was well spent in the first half an hour, it largely dissipated in the next hour, because the Lo-Fidelity Allstars (the primary reason why i decided to go) were absolutely wonderful. they managed the pulse of the crowd well, and name-dropped enough 'popular' tunes to get people feeling at ease - among them the Beastie Boys, twice, they opened the set with 'Intergalatic' and followed up later in the set with the new single 'Ch-Check It Out', Max Sedgely's "Happy" and Basement Jaxx' "Jump 'N Shout" - when in a large crowd of strangers, you just feel incredibly reassured and comforted by recognising a tune that you know. that's my theory, anyway. i'm still not sure if their set was mainly house or not, but I can say that I liked just about everything in the set.

the local DJs, in contrast, didn't receive such a warm reception, partly because their sets were more downtempo and by nature slower. it doesn't take a genius to figure out that they're the warm-up DJs before the big names come on.. maybe that was the crowd opinion too, or everybody was just spoiled rotten after the Lo-Fi Allstars.

Kid Loco's set was typically French, in the sense that it was quirky in a very fashionable way. at one point he actually played "The Sound of Silence" with a big beat.. what more can i say? brilliant, if in a less intense way than the Lo-Fi Allstars.

transportation was a major headache, though, i really wish i had driven there, it's right smack in the middle of nowhere and goodness knows when the shuttle bus comes (and if it ever does)..

whatever it is, though, im happy, and i've got nary a care in the world. mission accomplished!

Basement Jaxx - U Can't Stop Me

---

I got sixteen seconds and i don't want to stop
Got no time for the present living on a spinning top
i got satan on the tv i got god in a frame
i say 'hello' for a second then you won't see me again
i am happy i am sad i can be most anything
i'm a scary motha*> I'm the future on a spring
i got sixteen seconds and i don't wanna stop
i got no time for the present living on a spinning top
can't stop me, can't stop me, Can't stop me
you can't stop me

I got sixteen seconds and i don't wanna stop
i got no time for the present living on a spinning top
i got a fast food store selling poison, selling rocks
spaghetti junction in my head i'm living in the aftershock
i am happy i am sad i can do most anything
i'm a scary motha*> i'm the future on a spring
i got no time for the present living on a spinning top
can't stop me, can't stop me, can't stop me
you can't stop me

---

i've also begun to appreciate how so many things in life seem to be fated. for most of secondary school i had looked towards studying in the UK, because I was developing my taste in music, and the UK was simply the place to be for music. then around late sec4-j1 i started to look at the states or canada, because i liked the liberal arts system and the freedom of choosing your own courses. and as fate would have it, i was categorically rejected from all my US unis, and wound up being accepted in the UK - so i had to realign my thinking once again.

but given a choice now, i'd stick with the UK, simply because of the wide range of music available and how easy it is to find it there - from radio to clubs to records - and i know that if i had gone to the states i'd be firmly stuck on hip-hop/rap, or house, and that's about it. i'm happy the way things turned out. ^^;

ADDENDUM: it only struck me later that the phrase "hanging up all my hang ups" came from a song.. and how apt it is! Jamiroquai's "Canned Heat", the tune that was endlessly played all throughout 2000 (if my memory serves me well), which culuminated in me buying the album. anyway, here goes..

Jamoroquai - Canned Heat

---

You know this boogie is for real.
I used to buy my faith in worship,
But then my chance TO GET to Heaven slipped
I used to worry about the future
But then I throw my caution to the wind.
I had no reason to be care free
No no no, until I took a trip to the other side of town
Yeah yeah yeah, you know I heard that boogie rhythm
Hey- I had no choice but to get down down down down.

CHORUS

Dance, nothing left for me to do but dance,
Off these bad times I'm going through just dance
Got canned heat in my heals tonight baby

I feel the thunder see the lightning
I know this anger's heaven sent.
So I've got to hang out all my hang-ups
Because of the boogie I feel so hell bent
It's just an instant gut reaction, that I got
I know I never ever felt like this before,
I dont know what to do
But then thats nothing new,
Stuck between hell and high water
I need a cure to make it through.

Hey- dancing nothing left for me to do but dance
Off these bad times I'm going through just dance,
Hey got canned heat in my heals tonight baby
You know know know I'm gonna dance yeah
Off all the nasty things that people say.


You know know know I'm gonna dance yeah
Oh the nasty things that people say, but I'm gonna make it anyway...
Dance yeah! Got canned heat in my heels tonight baby!
You know I've got canned heat in my heels baby
You know this boogie is for real...
Only the wind can blow the answer
And she cries to me when I'm asleep
She says you know that you can go much faster
I know that peoples' talk can be so cheap
Yeah yeah
I got this voodoo child inveined on me
I'm gonna use my power to ascend
You know I got these running heels to use
Sometimes there's no way to lose
I was born to run
And built to last
You've never seen my feet
They can go so fast

Dance…yeah, hey!
Nothing left for me to do but
Dance
All these bad times I'm going through just
Dance…Hey
Got Canned Heat in my heels tonight, baby

Hey I've got to dance yeah!
Oh the nasty things that people say
But I'm gonna make it anyway,
Dance yeah!
Got canned heat in my heels tonight baby

You know this boogie is for real ,
So much canned heat in my heels yeah!
Gonna dance, gonna dance my blues away tonight,
You know I'm gonna dance my blues away,

You know this boogie is for real ,
So much canned heat in my heels yeah!
Gonna dance, gonna dance my blues away tonight,
Dance!
Got canned heat in my heels tonight,
Oh oh oh oh, canned heat in my heels tonight
Oh oh oh oh, canned heat in my heels tonight
Got so much...

Dance!

Hey DJ
Let the music play
I'm gonna live this party live
Hey DJ
Throw my cares away
I'm gonna live this party live
Hey DJ
Let the music play
I'm gonna this live this party live
Hey DJ
Throw my cares away
I'm gonna live this party live

Canned heat in my heels tonight!

You know, you know this boogie is for real
Got so much Canned Heat in my heels
Gonna dance, gonna dance my blues away tonight
Whoooooooo!
You know, you know this boogie
This boogie is for real
Got so much Canned Heat
Canned Heat in my heels.
You know I'm gonna dance my blues away tonight

---

it neatly encapsulates everything im feeling. dancing all your cares away is... cathartic, for want of a better word. im really glad im heading to UK where there's just a huge abundance of clubs, i've got this sinking feeling that i'll need to continuously destress to stay sane. o_O

that sounded a bit sad, but it shouldnt be! haha ^^;

timestamp: anonymous 21:48 0 comments

7.05.2004

 

[nothing in particular]

was in the new Orchard Point OG Toys Dept - im really a budding toyologist, ask me if you ever need to buy toys for sub-teens pre-teens for bdaes, xmas, whatever, i try to keep up with the latest trends - stumbled across Stikfas (TM) figures going cheap.

for the unintiated, Stikfas is/was actually a local product from a small little startup that won many prizes at a toy fair (best design, etc), and toy giant Hasbro bought the product and the rights and now manufactures and distributes the toys. (that was more or less what i remember from a Sunday Plus article quote a while ago) it's basically a self-assembled super-poseable figure with tons of accessories. so basically they come in various 'flavours': the male figures are called alpha males, and they have super hero, super villain, kung fu monk, military man, among others; the female ones are beta females and the one i know of is a tomb-raider themed one. it's really simple - the figures are faceless and basically featureless. kinda like those artists' wooden body dummies. but there are a TON, literally, of themed accessories for the figure to hold/use that come with the figurine, and generally it just lets your imagination run wild.

however i do feel that it's a little out of place next to transformers (more on that later) and other action toys: your average 10-year old really won't appreciate a faceless, super-poseable non-advertised figurine. their taste in toys just isnt sophisticated or developed enough yet to actually accept a concept-toy for more than what it is. to them, they want things they can identify with, the heroes and villains they see on TV. so it's not much of a surprise that they're going on sale.

that said, though, it's a real shame if Hasbro decides to cut their losses and stop this line altogether. we need more imaginative toys like this - all too often our heroes and heroines are prefabricated and come fleshed out with facial features, personality quirks and costumes from the writer. once in a while we need something to stir up our imagination again.

had the first day of the pre-dep course today. quite fun, learnt a lot of things about myself and leadership + made many new frens along the way. if u happen to be reading this - HI!!!

Katy Rose - Overdrive

---

Out of bed at the crack of noon
Blare the music and have a swoon
I can’t stop thinking of your face
La la lee la lee loo lace
I’m six feet under the Bhodi tree
With my crap new-age philosophy
Diamonds where there once were stars
I’m sitting in Jayne Mansfield’s car

Yeah yeah I’m independence
Yeah yeah I’m borderline
Yeah yeah I’m California
My minds all screwed and upside down
But my hearts on overdrive
Yeah my hearts on overdrive

I need to take a shower when I look at you
You sting and hurt like a bad tattoo
I wish you’d change my point of view
I cruise the canyon to get some breeze
With hidden treasures up my sleeve
I like the light and hate the heat
But I’ll lick the blood right off your street

Yeah yeah I’m cherry cola
Yeah yeah I’m Candy-eyed
Yeah yeah I’m California
My minds all screwed and upside down
But my hearts on overdrive

They all come here to find a scene
But end up girls on Methedrine
Naked on a TV screen
The dreams that fall beneath my feet
Make my footsteps feel so sweet
But your kisses are my fait accompli

Yeah yeah I’m independence
Yeah yeah I’m borderline
Yeah yeah I’m California
My minds all screwed and upside down
But my hearts on overdrive
Yeah my hearts on overdrive

---

yup it's teen-ish rock-pop. but it's good, despite the subject matter, the song is really quite intelligent in terms of lyrics and imagery. not sure who wrote the song, though.

stumbled across Guru's Jazzmatazz Vol 3 - Streetsoul recently. it's a seamless blend of hip-hop, jazz and soul from 2000, with the biggest names in the industry collaborating on virtually every track, from Kelis to Erykah Badu to Craig David! neat stuff. worth checking out.

timestamp: anonymous 16:22 0 comments