2.23.2003

 

whoa. last sat - the pushing the car/rover thing - feels like it happened over a month ago; i mention it now cos i happened to see some ppl trying to jumpstart their car along the side road that leads to my place, and it suddenly occurred to me that i had tried something similar (in the end we couldnt jumpstart since nobody brought the necessary cables along... though im quite sure coax (RF aka CX? CG? !!) cable wouldve substituted just fine, if u discount the 12/06 (aka pay for the cost of damaged equipment), that is) just last week, yet it just din feel like it happened last week. wasnt that deliciously rambly and roundabout? that ones for you mingy.

think i can safely conclude that during ex at least, im now subjected to the full load of my med peers, with all the stress, late nights and attention-demanding presence-of-mind-requiring things to learn and do. im hoping that its only during exercise, but who knows? not tt i wanna complain but really ive been crawling back to bunk at around 0200, have a quick bath and maybe some semblance of a snack before i hit the sack at 0230, only to get up around 0630 (supposed to be 0530 for 5 Basic eXercise but were all way too tired to do it anyway), skip breakfast (oops maybe i shouldnt reveal that!) and hop on a tonner to go to the wargames centre where we have a CP - command post. as you might imagine this being a wargames centre this exercise obviously doesnt involve real troops on real soil, only computer-controlled ones on a fictious map, all running on Sun workstations, too, might i add. however the CP, the commanders and the stress involved in running the show is very real! okay i dont really know whats e point im trying to bring out is, actually. suffice to say that ive surprised myself by staying alive this entire week. thats not a mean feat considering that im more or less CO PA (personal assistant), and everybodys scared to death of him. hes not a bad guy, but a perfectionist (i can so relate to that).. and yes obviously ive fumbled many, many times. surviving on a mixture of strawberry fruitella, mentos cool mint, hot tea (thank you QM!!) and adrenaline. seems like all we ever do is rush for the next commanders' conference group, whereby stuff needs to be presented.. and cos we work on a 1:2 timestep, where 1hr of real time = 2 hrs exercise time, were virtually doing powerpoint slides the whole day thru. my eyes are bleary already, imagine what a whole year's worth of staring into the computer screen - on and off exercise, during normal times too - will do for my myopia.

now that my bdae's over, and of all days the exercise HAD to start on my bdae.. CO announced to the whole signal cell that it was my bdae. *groan* and that i wasnt the only one to be working on my bdae... *double groan* at least that means that nobody will try to kiwi my behind or pull any funny stunts. heh. but as grace has pointed out and which i blatantly paraphrase, im no longer a teen yet not yet an adult. its that horrible crossroads of life (oh no, not another britney reference!! the horror.. did u catch the first one?) known as a quarterlife crisis, after a selfhelp book of the same name which im quite ashamed to admit ive read a year ago (in bmt!). this week has made me realise im stil coming to terms with the responsibilities vested in me, which have expanded exponentially, might i add, and that my situational awareness is still zilch. since situational awareness by any other name also means being street smart, im still not yet ready for the school of hard knocks yet. its such a scary thought, that after it all im really not (yet?) cut out for the real world. and it just so happened that while going home on sat evening (EVENING, mingy, EVENING!!!! you Rarely Seen After Five person you... grr) kaiwei told me that cpt gerald wanted me in his company in here as a node commander so that he could protect me, since i really wouldnt survive out in the big unknown as a BSO. and i tend to think that that's quite true, i really wouldnt be able to manage as a BSO. incidentally chances are ill no longer be in his company (not literally of course.. er you know what i mean) since apparently ive been told by my direct boss i was headhunted before the end of the course. heck, he was sitting next to me n john during the SOCC end of course dinner with all those commanders invited back etc etc. but its also set me thinking about how unprepared to face the real world i am. its relevant, since i just turned 20, in the same way that last weeks song, the Dixie Chicks "Landslide" was relevant since it was about growing older - its just such a scary thought. the world can be such an intimidating place.

Appleton - Dont Worry

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Dont worry cause I'll always
be there for you
(in the heavens above)
I just needed you to comfort me
and I have tried to make it right
and I dont know that I feel so sure
but I think that we missed out
so I've sung this song to you,
and I just want you to say to me
dont worry cause I'll always
be there, there for you
(in the heavens above)
dont worry cause I'll always
be there, there for you
always be there
all I wanted was to stand alone
so is there a place that we could
meet? and you see this face within
your face and I, stayed away but
I'm back to hear you say
dont worry cause I'll always
be there, there for you
(in the heavens above)
dont worry cause I'll always
be there, there for you
always be there
(in the heavens above)
(heavens above, heavens above)
can you hear me?
(can you hear me?)
through the spaces?
(through the spaces?)
wandering in this wonderland?
and if I try to understand it,
broken man, broken man
dont worry cause I'll always
be there, there for you
(there, there for you)
(in the heavens above)
dont worry cause I'll always
be there, there for you
always be there
in the heavens (dont worry)
in the heavens (dont worry)
in the heavens (for you)
dont worry, dont worry
yeah yeah yeah yeah
yeah yeah yeah yeah
dont worry, dont worry
yeah yeah yeah yeah

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how i wish sbdy cd tell me that.

timestamp: anonymous 13:23 0 comments