2.16.2003

 

in here, days feel like weeks simply because there's just so much happening, so many things to do, and the days are literally endless. each day i crawl back to the bunk no earlier than 2330, sometimes even past midnight, usually without dinner, since theres really no time to even eat. i know i shouldnt be complaining, that's just my lot in life. but as a direct result of this, im also learning a lot. pris has had a very thought-provoking v dae and incidentally so have i.. i also feel like ive aged 10 years in the past couple of days. or maybe sat in particular. activated to deploy at a cemetary on sat 1130, waited for a particular cable to be retrieved from another camp, pushed out at 1200, stumbled my way there as veh com, then it *rained* on us the whole afternoon while we were trying to get comms, and we needed a link of at least a certain quality, which was always interrupted every couple of minutes cos of lightning. we din bring out a notebook so we couldnt open a particular kinda file, i almost got fried for that since i was in command (and believe me this was my first time being in command... kinda like a node comd, actually), and to top it off we got called back - but my vehicle wouldnt start! we had to push it in the rain, then when that din work the drivers called their frens and so 11 people wound up staring at an engine on a sat evening, trying to get it to start.. that's just a brief summary of what i went thru on sat - wasnt actually intending to put it up but well in the end, i have, so.. really din wanna talk about it. was going to not blog this weekend since im about to go back in and theres still a ton of things to do to prepare for next week.

still, i guess you can imagine what ive been thru, hw much ive learnt, and how much ive aged in the process..

strangely enough, third eye blind's "semi-charmed life" is playing on the radio as im blogging this post. im not including the lyrics since ive already decided to put in the dixie chicks' "landslide", which i heard this afternoon while on the road.. (incidentally does anybody still remember their breakthrough single, "Wide Open Spaces"?).. but i have a point to make about "semi-charmed life", and that's about the most famous line from the song - "i want something else/ to get me through this/ semi-charmed kinda life". while my life still feels very empty - like slogging away an entire week just to come home but not have anything to look forward to once im home - and my working life is quite sucky from a very subjective point of view, i still love the job. its really made for me, the way i am, my work ethic and disinclination toward the physical. im really quite okay with the insane mental pressures so long as im not expected to run and cheong (even as a node commander, who really doesnt have to run at all, but is expected to be fitter than his/her men/women), even though i work in a pressure cooker and everybody (myself included) is terrified of our overall boss (not to be confused with my direct boss, who's quite a nice guy) whos demanding as well as particular, despite the crazy hours we work and how little time i actually spend sleeping, much less at home - somehow im not left wanting "something else/ to get me through" work. theres some sort of morbid fascination and sense of challenge about it.. im not afraid to share this - at least on my blog - because come monday, a major exercise starts (monday, of all days!!) and will continue for the next few weeks, and itll be the epitome of tough. the past week was nothing compared to what's gonna come.

while rummaging through the mountains of stuff in the filing cabinet in my cubicle (not office, natch..) at least i have partitions. but theyre only on either side of the table, not in front, and theyre about eye level at best - the more senior officers have standing-height partitions to effectively give them a sorta cubicle-office, and my direct boss has his own room. i digress - anyway its no secret that im the most junior officer there, and theres still a possibility that i wont be the OO.. that's why its imperative that i do well in this exercise so that i may earn my keep.. *sweatdrop* anyway i found a rubber stamp and a notebook (the paper kind) belonging to - of all people! - the timothy quek, nsts merit winner, all-round smart guy, overachiever and my peer support leader from way back in sec 1 (he was sec 4 then)... whoa!! its so freaky finding out that he was in this position before.. and its an additional reason why i have to keep this appointment. anyway his notebook is full of little songs he wrote, and the front page urges anybody finding it to return it to him, so maybe i shall, after ive read it n posted a few of the songs here. heh.

Dixie Chicks - Landslide

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I took my love and I took it down
I climbed a mountain and I turned around
And I saw my reflection in the snow covered hills
Well the landslide brought me down

Oh, mirror in the sky
What is love
Can the child within my heart rise above
Can I sail thru the changing ocean tides
Can I handle the seasons of my life

Well, I've been afraid of changing 'cause I built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Children get older
I'm getting older too
Well...

Well, I've been afraid of changing 'cause I built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Children get older
I'm getting older, too
Well I'm getting older too

So, take this love and take it down
Yeah and if you climb a mountain and ya turn around
And if you see my reflection in the snow-covered hills
Well the landslide brought me down
And if you see my reflection in the snow-covered hills
Well maybe
Well maybe
Well maybe the landslide will bring you down

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