1.18.2003

 

[have you ever]

have you ever felt like youve wanted something all your life, only to realise its nothing like what u ever expected? that maybe its not cut out for you? its a feeling of inexplicable loss and confusion, as though ure just flailing around helplessly, aimlessly, without any direction or goal to work towards or look forward to. and somehow ive never felt this way before: there was always something else in mind, in view to keep me (relatively) levelheaded. okay, maybe never before is the wrong term to use; its the degree of the feeling, then.

commissioning is around the corner - this sat to be exact - which reminds me, ill be scanning and posting the details on the blog sometime tomorrow, if anybody's interested. posting will be out on mon by lunchtime, but rumour has it that where ill be posted to is extermely regimental and i prob wont be able to return home every day.

life feels extremely unsatisfying, tho its taken over a year to build up to this stage, as though theres really nothing left to look forward to. its pretty much a mess, just like my room and my coms, totally disorganized and schizophrenic. i eat, sleep and dream of parade - not the actual thing itself, mind, but rather the seemingly endless practices we have - and now that im back home at last i just veg out in front of the com, mindlessly going thru Soldier of Fortune II (tho i must rave about the realistic weapon depictions and the fantastic jungle levels) and basically living a very humdrum and mundane existence.

over the duration of the course ive observed that the typical 20 year old male's existence revolves around one of two mutually exclusive things - games or girls. believe me, ive seen extreme cases in the course i never thought possible.. and it seems like im firmly entrenched in the former due to a spectacular lack of success in the latter. (mingyang u should find this familiar, i think i told u about this before..)

nb im trying not to get in the habit of giving titles to my posts.

heck. thats about enough rambling for now. im heading back to SoF II..

nb why do i always leave ideas half-baked in my blogs? sigh.

Red Hot Chilli Peppers - Scar Tissue

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Scar tissue that I wish you saw
Sarcastic Mister know it all
close your eyes and I'll kiss you cause'
With the birds I'll share
With the birds I'll share
This lonely view
With the birds I'll share
this lonely view

Push me up against the wall
Young kentucky girl in a push-up bra
Fallin' all over myself
To lick your heart and taste your health 'cause
With the birds I'll share
This lonely view...

Blood loss in a bathroom stall
Southern girl with a scarlet drawl
Wave goodbye to maw and paw 'cause
With the birds I'll share
With the birds I'll share
This lonely view
With the birds I'll share
This lonely view...

Soft spoken with a broken jaw
Step outside but not to brawl
Autumn's sweet we call it fall
I'll make it to the moon if i have to crawl
With the birds I'll share
This lonely view...

Scar tissue that I wish you saw
Sarcastic Mister know it all
close your eyes and I'll kiss you cause'
With the birds I'll share
With the birds I'll share
This lonely view
With the birds I'll share
this lonely view...

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