11.24.2002

 

video editing just takes up too much of my time- ive literally just wasted away (as in, you know, *wasted* wasted) the last weekend before roc. every time i go on a saturday i inevitably keel over from the accumulated weariness and just drift off, head slumped over the keyboard, basking in the warm glow from the CRT. its terribly terribly sad - i know im on the verge between credible and annoying self-pity here - but i just cant help but feel sad for myself. somehow ive lost my tolerance for the cold, i used to be able to sit for days in absolutely frigid air con rooms and traipse about happily in winter, in snow, in nothing more than 1 layer of clothes (um, long sleeves) .. but after less than a year of baking in the sun i now need a windbreaker to last the night in the video editing room. heck, even 24*C is cold to me now. something tells me im gonna freeze in taiwan the same way i did on biang (thats the 'mountain' we climbed in brunei. wet, cold, windy and miserable. gaaah) dont think i should expound on this any more.

should be leaving home now to pack my stuff for ROC, looking forward to the disembarkation leave on wed. cant help but feel that time flies - i can hardly believe im actually going to ROC, its the culumination of the course, the sumex (summary exercise) already, and its also the toughest period when we'll literally be under scrutiny and assessment (damn i hate that word) 24/7 x 18 days at least. and i cant believe its a month to xmas. i see decorations and i hear the jingles but it just doesnt *feel* like xmas. theres no heal-the-world or hug-a-tree type of caring or generosity that i can elicit.. i dont feel particularly grim or anything about roc, but somehow all the emotions have been drained from me. maybe im just tired. or maybe im jaded. i dont know anymore - i can only hope to wake up on wed and find that all this has passed. i really really hope so.

timestamp: anonymous 13:14 0 comments