9.29.2002

 

hm. feels weird not going back to camp - down wif flu n fever, actually caught it since from the crazy all-nighter (2-nighter to be precise) [gee the standard of my writing's getting from bad to worse. not a good sign!] i pulled last tue/wed. *groan*

tried to listen in on my fren Calvin's radio show, Tour de Trance and went to the trouble of installing real player 8 but for some reason real player wouldnt play the .ram audio stream.. maybe cos its no longer the newest version? i dunno.. anyway the show's on on Sun 1200-1400 local time.

wouldnt it b cool to host your own radio show? thats definitely something id like to try when - when - im in uni. *dream* its possible, cos my college has a radio station, like calvin's, but given how atrocious my time management is now, when im already bombarded by 1000s of things to do, lets just say im not too confident i can juggle something like that when im there. =(

kinda perturbed- really feel like im a hermit, cut off from the world, and having no frens. there's only so many empty, unused comments columns at the end of each post u can take before u feel like uve been cast away and disowned in a corner of some dark dinghy basement to rot. not very good at images/metaphors now i am. hrmmm! its not just that, okay, lest u think its some one-liner, erm, one-reason rant. i dont get much opportunity to have a life here - not that i particularly went about living life in a going-out type of hedonistic way when i still *could*, but choosing not to and being forced, by time constraints and worst of all, work, is something else entirely. somehow - tho i must admit its not very surprising - when im down wif this much work - inevitably more than what i could ever imagine even when back in jc - somehow i just go all hostile and stuff. one-track single-mindedness to get the job done and in the process cut myself off from frens, family, just about anything u can think of, with the notable exception of my music. thats why u never see me on icq (honest confession time!!), im there but i dun wanna talk to u. or anybody else, for that matter.. heck i don even talk much to my parents, grandparents, cousins (who im real close to), EVERYBODY!!! the irony is im so much more communicative during the workweek - even when pressed for time.. er, maybe not when pressed for time. at night at least. - than when im back. its just work, work, work and sleep like a log. cant really think of any more reasons but the feeling is that its much more than this.

speaking of clubbing, found this article on how ecstasy damages ur brain which kinda goes against what new scientist very controversially said, which is that ecstasy might actually be beneficial - or at least not be detrimental - to ur health. ironically ecstasy damages 'depominergic neurons' [sic] - DOPEminergic, i think, however ironic that is - e nerves which are associated wif the ability to feel pleasure n pain. ... !! realised that i couldve suggested that as a controversial theme for my fren whose gf who was struggling to come up wif something controversial yet not too common (irony!!) to write about. arrrgggh.. think he settled on the issue of streaming. streaming as in i not stupid style streaming. which i havent quite formulated an opinion on yet - tho segregation of any sort, as ive experienced, isnt too good when u go out n work n realise someones come from e same sch, same batch as u n uve NEVER ever come across them before. in many ways its worse than having someone from a diff background entirely, theres no shame in saying u never mixed around then, would there?

*ding* remembered another thing along those lines. watched e big unknown, not sure if its a series or a special, on channel 5 on sat. lo and behold they showcased this girl, i-jun i think, from rj council who was going to the uk to do med (not sure if its cam cos i do vaguely remember hearing her name on the list of acceptees) and that's when i really felt bad about how small my social circle was. i dunno if i actively shun people in the same way i do when im piled with work (in here ONLY, for the record, i never did that back in school! honest!!) cos sometimes, now included, i feel that im too mindful of the company i keep - i noe in sch i purposely shunned e people i felt were too popular or too sporty or too funky. inferiority complex? have no idea absolutely.

as heard on gilles petersons' worldwide - just only - "... kinda generic, in a really good way". gee.. i just came across this on a website (forgot which, couldve been the oct muzik for that matter) - "ure really kinda average, but in a really good way" under the heading "best insults ever told" - or was it "best white lie uve ever told"? i can never retell jokes. hrmmm.

muzik seems so much thinner now - and hence less value for money. then again its not about value for money, its about whether u like e mag or not. (am rationalising..) okay, most of the heft used to come from club listings and ads - not for music but classifieds, the "call this number now" type, erm u noe what i mean. this ish theyve all disappeared, i dun think its cos e editors pulled e plug - who quibbles wif extra ad dollars/pounds/euros? - more of nobody was really responding to e ads n monetary pressures made them become more selective about which mags they went about putting their ads in. thats wat i like to think, anyhow. so e end result is muzik's much more compact and tight now, maybe its not such a bad thing after all - e main competitors, ministry n mixmag (of which ministrys more high-class/highbrow and mixmag, well, its more like a lifestyle mag. and a bit crass, too. erm i dont quibble wif free cds tho!) sport tons of [club] listings. which isnt a bad thing if u live there... but i dont! anyhow muziks club listings are supercompressed into 3 pages so its really just those joints (ho ho ho) that cut it (ha ha ha!).. doubt if ill have much time to club unless my time management improves - whoa, coming back full circle.

before i continue on about muzik there are other things ill b spending/wasting (depending on ur view) my time on- read in computer arts about the Digital Arts Festival Digital Arts WORLD that's held in london. woo hoo! not to mention those cool festivals.. hedonistic hedonistic HEDONIIIISTIC!!! haha

anyway - despite it all i still feel somewhat cheated let down by muzik.. fine there are tons of reviews, on compilations and all e diff subgenres but i dunno - somehow it just feels lacking in a way that i dont get when i read computer arts. maybe its cos e latter sports a more polished look n feel - given its subject matter its not suprising? realised how mags kinda reflect e person u r. or put another way - seeing from e opposite view - theres always a mag for every kind of specialised interest or hobby or wat have u. computer arts is equal parts industry news, reviews and tutorials.. heck given how ex current com books are its probably more economical. anybody who noes me long/well enuf should noe that ive always wanted to be a designer - as in working with new media, heck even old broadcast media like video. which happens to be wat ive been arrowed to do now... one thing i do know: ill b spending a lot of money on mags when im there. subscriptions, not individual ishs... must cut back. and ive already cut back - no longer buying computer game mags (used to b a staunch


OMG I JUST LISTENED TO the streets' "weak become heroes" on LOCAL RADIO!!! 913... ks lee. gotta love him. OMG OMG OMG!!! its so nice i never thot it would sound so nice... i noe its epic but.. *wowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww*

sorry - staunch reader of pc gamer) or cre@te online, for that matter.. =(

okay thats it for now im gonna concentrate more on listening to e radio n maybe even studying for all e tests this week (groan). if i can get e pictures to work then ill set about scanning an ad for "weak become heroes"... cool.

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