4.19.2008

 

[same old familiar feeling]

yup it's been quite a while since i last posted, now that i'm (relatively) free (oh, for about the next 48 hours?) i thought i might as well dust off the old blog, see what fixer-upping i could do. so i think i've managed to get rid of the annoying popup ad that stuck around long after its parent commenting service expired, i've re-enabled blogger comments on every blog post (doesn't really make a difference since nobody comments anyway) and i've tidied up the left-hand navigation bar. now the unvisited links aren't in an invisible shade of orange, they're actually legible [unlike my writing!]. i briefly considered changing the template, but couldn't find anything i liked, and decided i may as well stick with this one. :)

so what's happened? from the last post til now - not much, to be honest. i've almost come to the end of my first year on the wards but i still do as little work/reading up as is humanly possible, i dread to think about my exam results... waiting for the day i start research again, just because it's something different, i guess.

sometimes i sit back and think im such a big fraud - i don't deserve all this, and i'm certainly not working hard enough to justify it. then i go watch some tv (bet you didn't see that coming) and something comes up that strikes a chord in me. this time it was season 1 ep 5 of dirty sexy money, it's all about responsibility and growing up. the funny thing is that i'm overly responsible when it comes to other people - i'm only terribly irresponsible when i'm dealing with myself. can't seem to figure out why.. perhaps i indulge myself a bit too much.

also, for my loyal readers - yes i know i'm a terrible friend, and i beat myself up about it constantly. if you're still reading, drop me a line. been getting quite disillusioned lately with the people around me(!)

Third Eye Blind - Semi-Charmed Life

---

Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo...
Im packed and Im holding Im smiling
She living she golden and she lives for me
Says she lives for me
Ovation her own motivation
She comes round and she goes down on me
And I make her smile
Like a drug for you
Do ever what you want to do
Coming over you
Keep on smiling what we go through
One stop to the rhythm that divides you
And I speak to you like the chorus to the verse
Chop another line like a coda with a curse
Come on like a freak show takes the stage
We give them the games we play
She said I want something else
To get me through this
Semi-charmed kind of life baby baby
I want something else
Im not listening when you say
Good-bye
Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo...
The sky was gold, it was rose
I was taking sips of it to my nose
And I wish I could get back there
Some place back there
Smiling in the pictures you would take
Doing crystal myth
Will lift you up until you break
It wont stop, I wont come down, I keep stock
With a tick tock rhythm and a bump for the drop
And then I bumped up
I took the hit I was given
Then I bumped again
And then I bumped again she said
How do I get back there to
The place where I fell asleep inside you
How do I get myself back to
The place where you said
I want something else to get me through this
Semi-charmed kind of life baby baby
I want something else
Im not listening when you say
Good-bye
I believe in the sand beneath my toes
The beach gives a feeling an earthy feeling
I believe in the faith that grows
And the four right chords can make me cry
When Im with you I feel like I could die
And that would be all right, all right

[removed from radio edit]

When the plane came in
She said she was crashing
The velvet it rips in the city we tripped
On the urge to feel alive but now Im struggling to survive
Those days you were wearing that velvet dress
Youre the priestess I must confess
Those little red panties they pass the test
Slides up around the belly
Face down on the mattress
One, and you hold me and were broken
Still its all that I want to do just a little now
Feel myself heavy as the ground
Im scared but Im not coming down no no
And I wont run for my life
Shes got her jaws now locked down in a smile
But nothing is all right, all right

[/removed from radio edit]

I want something else
To get me through this life baby
I want something else
Not listening when you say
Good-bye
Good-bye
Good-bye
Good-bye
Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo...
The sky was gold it was rose
I was taking sips of it to my nose
And I wish I could get back there someplace
Back there in the place we used to
Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo...
I want something else

timestamp: anonymous 01:15 0 comments

10.01.2007

 

[from one of my books]

The old examinations were notoriously subjective but not without their humour. When pts with vesico-colic fistulae pass flatus during micturation it makes a curious whistling noise. An examiner in the old days asked a candidate what he would think if the pt told him that he whistled when he micturated.

The candidate replied "i would be thinking that he was a very happy man!"

LOL
clinical school has started, and before i'm on the wards proper, i'm already feeling very very stupid, not to mention drained of all energy by the time i get back. needless to say i'm not working enough. *sigh*

timestamp: anonymous 22:34 0 comments

7.26.2007

 

[it's been too long]

i'm getting tardy! (no surprises there, then.) since my last post, i've survived finals - only the first of an endless set of finals to come; graduated - once, only the first of hopefully an endless set of graduations to come; gone on a quick and much-needed vacation to sunny sunny Mallorca, and rainy rainy London. my desktop computer has given up the ghost at long last, so with a little bit of luck, i cannibalised the parts into another computer and am happily running Ubuntu (a Linux operating system!) on it. i'm also about to break free of some metaphorical and literal shackles, and when i'm not busy trying (in vain!) to lose those extra pounds, i'm fretting about having to deal with real patients and all the thousands of things i should know from pre-clinicals, but don't. along with the millions of things you're expected to learn in clinicals, but that's another story, for another time...

Avenue Q Soundtrack - What Do You Do with a BA in English (It Sucks to be Me)

---

Princeton: What do you do with a B.A. in English,
What is my life going to be?
Four years of college and plenty of knowledge,
Have earned me this useless degree.
I can't pay the bills yet,
'Cause I have no skills yet,
The world is a big scary place.
But somehow I can't shake,
The feeling I might make,
A difference, to the human race.

Kate: Morning, Brian.

Brian: Hi, Kate Monster.

Kate: How's life?

Brian: Disappointing.

Kate: What's the matter?

Brian: The catering company laid me off.

Kate: Oh, I'm sorry!

Brian: Me too! I mean, look at me! I'm ten years out of college,
and I always thought - oh...

Kate: What?

Brian:No, it sounds stupid.

Kate: Aww, come on!

Brian: When I was little I thought I would be...

Kate: What?

Brian: A big comedian on late night t.v.
But now I'm thirty-two and as
you can see I'm not.

Kate: Nope!

Brian: Oh well, it sucks to be me.

Kate: Nooo.

Brian: It sucks to be me.

Kate: No!

Brian: It sucks to be broke and unemployed
and turning thirty-three, it sucks to be me.

Kate: Oh, you think your life sucks?

Brian: I think so.

Kate: Your problems aren't so bad! I'm kinda pretty, and pretty damn smart.

Brian: You are!

Kate: Thanks! I like romantic things like music and art, and as you know I have a gigantic heart so why don't I have a boyfriend? F***! It sucks to be me.

Brian: Me too.

Kate: It sucks to be me

Brian: It sucks to be me, it sucks to be Brian

Kate: and Kate

Brian: To not have a job!

Kate: To not have a date!

Kate and Brian: It sucks to be me.

Brian: Hey, Rod, Nicky, can you settle something for us? Do you have a second?

Nicky: Ah, certainly

Kate: Whose life sucks more? Brian's or mine?

Rod and Nicky: Ours!

Nicky: We live together

Rod: We're as close as people can get

Nicky: We've been the best of buddies

Rod: Ever since the day we met.

Nicky: So he knows lots of ways to make me really upset. Oh every day is an aggravation.

Rod: Come on, that's an exaggeraton!

Nicky: You leave your clothes out. You put your feet on my chair.

Rod: Oh yeah? You do such anal things like ironing your underwear.

Nicky: You make that very small apartment we share a hell

Rod: So do you, that's why I'm in hell too!

Nicky: It sucks to be me!

Rod: No, it sucks to be me!

Kate: It sucks to be me!

Brian: It sucks to be me!

All: Is there anybody here it doesn't suck to be? It sucks to be me!

Christmas Eve: Why you all so happy?

Rod: Because our lives suck!

Christmas Eve: Your lives suck? I hearing you correctly? HA! I coming to this country for opportunities. Tried to work in Korean deli but I am Japanese. But with hard work I earn two Master's degrees in social work! And now I a therapist! But I have no clients! And I have an unemployed fiance! And we have lots of bills to pay! It suck to be me! It suck to be me! I say it sucka-sucka-sucka-
sucka-sucka-sucka-sucka-
sucka-sucka-sucka-sucka-suck! It suck to be me.

Princeton: Excuse me?

Brian: Hey there.

Princeton: Sorry to bother you, but I'm looking for a place to live.

Christmas Eve: Why you looking the way out here?

Princeton: Well, I started at Avenue A, but so far everything is out of my price range. But this neighborhood looks a lot cheaper! Oh, and look - a "For Rent" sign!

Brian:You need to talk to the superintendent. Let me go him

Princeton: Great, thanks!

Brian: Yo, GARY!

Gary: I'm comin' I'm comin'!

Princeton: Oh my God! It's Gary Coleman!

Gary: Yes I am! I'm Gary Coleman, from T.V.'s Diff'rent Strokes. I made a lotta money that got stolen by my folks! Now I'm broke and I'm the butt of everyone's jokes, but I'm here - the superintendent! - on Avenue Q.

All but Gary: It sucks to be you.

Kate: You win!

All but Gary: It sucks to be you

Brian: I feel better now!

Gary: Try having people stopping you to ask you "What you talkin' 'bout, Willis?" It gets old...

All: It sucks to be you on Avenue Q (sucks to be me) on Avenue Q (sucks to be you) on Avenue Q (sucks to be us) but not when we're together. We're together here on Avenue Q! We live on Avenue Q! Our friends do too! 'Til our dreams come true, we live on Avenue Q!

Princeton:This is real life!

All: We live on Avenue Q.

Nicky: You're gonna love it.

All: We live on Avenue Q!

Gary: Here's your keys!

All: Welcome to Avenue Q!

---

from only my favourite musical of all time, Avenue Q. and yes, before you start mouthing off, i do know i lead a very privileged and comfortable life. im thankful for that, but it doesn't necessarily mean it doesn't suck to be me, either.

timestamp: anonymous 03:02 0 comments

3.19.2007

 

[random thoughts]

just read a news headline announcing that another 7 us soldiers were killed in iraq, and it dawned on me how asymmetrical the conflict actually was: normally to make headlines, you'd need either a very unexpected conflict, or massive numbers of casualties, far more than just 7. but the headlines never mention the number of iraqis killed. im sure it's usually higher, but the world just doesn't care. life is cheap in some places, sure, but this brings numbers into the equation: one american life is worth 10, maybe more, iraqi ones. life has never seemed more unfair.

'holidays' have started: thats about the time i start getting to work. :/

timestamp: anonymous 01:16 1 comments

3.05.2007

 

kinda left off updating the blog for a real long time - lab project is squeezing the life out of me, so there's no time for the long, ruminating posts that i so adore. no siree, just a quick wave *hello!* and to say that i've got myself a fancy new phone (Nokia N73) with a crazy unlimited internet plan that allows me to use skype, msn, stream net radio, listen to podcasts and surf on my phone. if you see me on skype or msn, say hello :) i might well be on my phone! :)

Babyshambles - **** Forever

---

What I'm saying, what I'm saying
What's the use between death and glory?
I can't tell between death and glory
Happy endings, they never bored me
Happy endings, they still don't bore me
But they, they have a way
They have a way to make you pay
And to make you toe the line
Sever the ties
Oh I'm so clever
But clever ain't wise

**** forever
If you don't mind
Oh can we **** forever?
Good pal of mine, of mine, of mine, of mine, of mine

Oh whats to tell between death and glory?
Whats to tell between death and glory?
New lab-our and Tory
Pergatory and no happy families

Oh, so what I'm saying
What I'm saying
No, it's not the same
It's not supposed to be the same
Oh, I'll tell you about the way
The way they make you pay
And to make you toe the line
Sever the ties
Oh, you're so clever, oh yeah
But you're not very nice

So I say **** forever
If you don't mind
Cause I'm stuck forever
Stuck in your mind, your mind, your mind,
Do you mind?

Oh they have a way
A way to make you pay
And a way to make you toe the line
Sever the ties
Oh so clever
And so very wise

So **** forever
If you don't mind
I'm stuck forever
In your mind, your mind, your mind,
Do you mind?

timestamp: anonymous 22:27 0 comments

10.20.2006

 

[losing it]

some days, everything just doesn't seem right. it's just one of those days, to borrow the title of athlete's very very apt (and one of my favourite!) songs. well, here's another really apt song that's one of my favourites.


The Cardigans - My Favourite Game

---

I don't know what you're looking for
you haven't found it baby, that's for sure
You rip me up and spread me all around
in the dust of the deed of time

And this is not a case of lust, you see
it's not a matter of you versus of me
It's fine the way you want me on your own
but in the end it's always me alone

And I'm losing my favourite game
you're losing your mind again
I'm losing my baby
losing my favourite game

I only know what I've been working for
another you so I could love you more
I really thought that I could take you there
but my experiment is not getting us anywhere

I had a vision I could turn you right
a stupid mission and a lethal fight
I should have seen it when my hope was new
my heart is black and my body is blue

And I'm losing my favourite game
you're losing your mind again
I'm losing my favourite game
I've tried but you're still the same
I'm losing my baby
you're losing a saviour and a saint

timestamp: anonymous 18:19 0 comments

10.08.2006

 

[the first step is always the hardest]

it's the first weekend of term. one lecture, one seminar, 2 pages of references to go thru. i've got all the materials and papers ready and organised. but for some reason i just can't bring myself to start. there's something about a blank piece of paper that just stops me from writing on it.

it's probably just procrastination rearing it's ugly head again. i'm motivated, i'm interested in what i'm doing - maybe it's the fear of failure. that i don't want to write something that i'm going to have to change in a short while (but that's the whole point!!!) hmmm. well, i can't go on living my life like that. this changes, now.

timestamp: anonymous 16:56 0 comments